Randal R Cox

Life is short. Live well and laugh at yourself.

A Second Outing...

In some ways this is much harder than the first coming out - but in order to stay true to myself and live a transparent life - I need to.

Lately, I have realized just how important it is to be open about one's beliefs when they are not the (perceived) norm or publicly-held beliefs. Much like with the LGBTQ community, acceptance into society can only happen when those involved let it be known how many actually exist, and or believe a certain way.

So here goes…
I don't believe in a god or gods. I don't believe in an after-life. I don't believe in sin. I don't believe in a heaven or a hell. I don't believe in using fear as a motivator to do the right thing or as a way to coerce & control. I am a non-believer, a non-theist, if you will (as there are so many that are frightened of the "A" word). I have many, many reasons (a lifetime full) for this absence of belief, but those are for another post.

I do believe that doing the right thing is in itself, a moral choice, which is another reason I'm posting this.

I wasn't raised this way, quite the opposite. It took many years for me to unravel the doctrine that I was taught, and many more years to come to the conclusion that I no longer wish to hide my beliefs. Previously, when asked about my beliefs, I responded with "Thank you for your concern, but I prefer to keep my beliefs to myself". I have come to realize that in doing that, I was not being the person that I want to be and that, dear reader, is my choice. No-one else's. I'm certainly not going to force my beliefs on another, but if asked, I will no longer remain quiet. I will no longer stay silent out of fear of hurting someone's feelings. If you allow your feelings to get hurt, that is your choice, and I understand that now.

"Why are you putting this out on your blog?" you ask…. Well, it is my blog… I'm not forcing anyone to read it, but I am freely posting it on my site. Feel free to click away from here and ignore me, it won't hurt my feelings.

I'd like to write more about this as I now feel free to do so - a freedom I was keeping from myself.
I am also very open to the idea of honest, respectful conversation about it… as long as it stays honest & respectful.

What is holding me back?

I guess its most important for me to think about why I’m not living a transparent life in order for me to deal with how I can change that.
I’ve always been an introvert. I’ve always felt more comfortable recharging myself, my thoughts and my emotions, by being alone or at the very least finding some time where I can gather my thoughts and quiet my mind. On top of that, I’ve always been very shy. Afraid to meet new people or to open myself up in front of people I don’t know. Always afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough or able to measure-up to those that I thought were judging me.
I have a very strong memory of being very young, pushing a tray through a cafeteria line while my father became extremely irritated with me because I was too afraid to speak up and order what I wanted. I’ve been like that in so many situations, I can’t even remember most of them, let alone count them.
It has become incredibly frustrating to look back at 50 years and know that I’ve wasted & lost so many potential opportunities because I was too panic-stricken to actually ‘be’ in the moment, usually just wishing to escape, afraid of what others were thinking or possibly saying. This has led to many struggles, especially when it came to accepting my sexuality and coming to grips with coming out.
Life is a funny thing, you sometimes start to learn the lessons much later than you really need them.

Living a transparent life

I’ve been thinking about starting this blog for quite some time. Honestly, it is just a part of a larger issue that I have been spending a lot of time pondering. That issue is why I’m not living a transparent life & how I can have transparency as a life-long goal, let alone why I might even want to… First and foremost, I’m not a writer nor do I fancy myself anyone that deserves to be heard by the masses (that’s never been who I am or what is important to me), however I have been feeling the need to put some things down on paper (and digital paper appeases my tech-nerd senses). Writing it out and committing it to the ether is a way for me to deal with it and let it go to some extent and right now in my life that holds a wonderful promise for me.
This will give me the ability to acknowledge my opinions/thoughts/ideas whether they be agreeable or not and they may change, contradict themselves at times and may seem insipid. That’s all part of me and I’m not perfect, nor do I think I am.
You the reader may not agree and that’s fine. I’m going to allow comments, but I do maintain the right to delete comments if they irritate me too much. If we can have an intellectual discussion regarding our differences I’m all for it, however I won’t tolerate the discussion getting carried away. My Blog, My Rules - Deal With it, or Don’t. That is your choice. This is primarily an exercise for me.

If you’d like to read on… welcome!